She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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