I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
