you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize