I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
