after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
