Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
