Kareoke will never be a sober sport
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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