The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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