You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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