dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
