so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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