Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
