This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
