wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
