So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
