Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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