Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
