Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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