just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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