C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
