I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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