I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
