I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
