Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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