We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
