Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
