BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
