he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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