This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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