Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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