how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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