Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
