dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
