chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
