So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
