4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
