I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
