Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
