Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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