Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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