I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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