Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
