glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
