If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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