My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will pee on everything he values.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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