so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
