captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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