I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
