just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
