so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
