wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
