it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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