a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
