I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
