just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
