dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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