Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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