I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
