I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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