I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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