just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
