I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
