I want to have your abortion
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize