I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
