im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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