Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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