so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
