Will you blow on my dice?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
