Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
