It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
