Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
