have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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